I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
