TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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