I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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