the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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