i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
