I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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