I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
