Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
