i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
