so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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