Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
