I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
