his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
