I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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