We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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