You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
