In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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