Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
