i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
