Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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