And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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