pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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