quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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