Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
