Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
