I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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