FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize