Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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