i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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