just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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