i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
