My friends, they love my intelligence
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
