nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
