Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Drunk is a universal language darling
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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