Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
