they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize