he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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