Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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