i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
