Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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