You're so nebulous sometimes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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