I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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