When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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