I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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