You're my little dorito
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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