I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
