So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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