Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
