4 words: hood of his car
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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