So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She told me I should be a condom model.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
