Welp...herpes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
