I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize