How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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