woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
