she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize