well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
