Fine. I'll sleep in my office
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
