Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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