i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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