I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
