Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
