When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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