I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
