Just cropdusted the office
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had to cum in my sink.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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