Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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