Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
