I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
