Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
