if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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