If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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