During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
