So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
