I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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