erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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