Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
