he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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