I just made out with a guy for $7.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
