I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
